10 Questions to De-stress the Holidays

Thanksgiving can be one of those holidays that can cause a great deal of stress. There can be difficult family members and unexpected or unwanted guests. Add one or two strained relationships and lack of communication between attendees about who is coming, when they are arriving, and what they are bringing and things get hectic. The host, especially if he/she is a structured planner, may feel overwhelmed and frustrated, and what appears to be organizing comes off has as nit-picking details. Managing holiday events and the fear of failure may sometimes replace a gathering of spirits. Sound familiar? How can you destress the holidays?

As a hostess or host, we may feel the event has to be ideal or perfect. Certainly, Pinterest, magazine pictures and posts from our Facebook friends tell us so! We feel we have to cook this one particular meal a year entirely from scratch and then feel exhausted and perhaps lose the spirit of the day. And then, some of us may feel we have the quintessential Norman Rockwell’ “Freedom From Want” feast with the golden brown, roasted turkey being placed ceremoniously on the table by the female elder. In reality, Rockwell painted the picture in 1943 in the middle of World War II and mandatory food rationing, so all was not what it appeared.

When I go back and look at the “Freedom From Want” table, there isn’t much else on the table except a soup tureen, some fruit, and a dish of celery. Although the turkey appears to be the centerpiece, the real focus is smiling family members and perhaps friends framing the turkey in joy, laughter, and excitement. I can try to imagine the feeling of want but it’s really hard to feel “sustenance want” when our grocery stores are packed with every food imaginable. In my time, I have experienced a low income and feeling like I can’t pay bills, but I have never been homeless or alone on a holiday.

Holiday celebrations change over the years. Some holiday events are slow gradual changes. For example, the elders grow old and are not able to host. Perhaps a dear one passes on and the event dynamics change. For us, one year we are celebrating all of the immediate family being together. The next year, we knew it was going to be the last year with my parents as they were both failing fast. Like many families, we have children who are now married, have families of their own, and we are juggling who goes where and when. For most families, flexibility is the key to a successful day and remember what the day is about.

What do I believe to be the purpose of the day?
What do I believe my guests feel is the purpose of the day?
What do I know about my guests?
How do I know my thoughts and beliefs are accurate?
How would I describe my ideal Thanksgiving event?
What all would I need to do to make Thanksgiving my ideal event?
What would happen if the day was ideal?
What would happen if the day was not ideal?
What am I able to do (vs what I WANT to do)?
How will life change if I only do what I am able to do rather than what I want to do?

Questions generally make the “thinking” side of our brain start to respond and the emotional side settles down. Take pause to query your mind and start down the path to de-stressing the holiday season with a soul-full spirit.