Most of us love our mothers. There may be a few outliers but for the most part, I like to believe that everyone at least appreciates that they were born and someone provided the opportunity to live and be loved. And some of us may not know how to celebrate our deceased mother on her birthday and holidays.
It’s now been 10 years since my mother passed away and now experiencing a Mother’s Day without her. I don’t wail anymore in grief or have those moments of great sadness that tear at your very soul. Thank goodness for Mother’s Day so I can make the conscious effort to celebrate the wonderful mother I was lucky to have for almost 50 years.
As time goes on, there is still not a day that goes by that I don’t feel she is with me. Not too long after she died, I had a dream she came back to me for a flash of a moment. Mother was driving her 1990s white Cadillac like a wild woman across my neighbor’s lawn into my bedroom. She was glowing white and absolutely radiant and appeared to be on a mission. And then, poof, she was gone. I always felt because she was such an excellent influencer, she either begged God to come back and He said “OK,” or, she just got it in her mind to do it and just escaped into my dream.
Over the past decade, I have never forgotten that dream or how beautiful she looked. I can see her as vividly today as then and I just know everything will always be OK. Isn’t that what moms do best? Soothe and care and let you know everything will be OK. So to celebrate your deceased mom this Mother’s Day, below are 10 ways to celebrate your deceased mother that will hopefully bring you comfort.
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10 Ways to Celebrate Your Deceased Mother on Mother’s Day
1) Buy one or some of her special flowers. My mother LOVED peonies but they are a little hard to come by in some areas. In some grocery stores such as Trader Joe’s or Sprouts, they are available for about $5 a stem. If you can’t find any this year, do the next best thing – order some online. (As I review this blog posted in 2020, we now live in Northern Colorado and have many peonies in my yard and our neighbor’s yards) Or, snag a photo of your mom’s favorite flower and use it as a screensaver or Facebook cover page. I remember when we bought Mother peonies online for the first time. They arrived closed and she thought they were dead because the flowers had not opened up yet. She called Martha Stewart’s helpline and they told her to snip the ends and put in warm water. They opened beautifully and we had a great laugh for many years.
2) If you have an audio or video recording, schedule some time to watch or listen to her recorded voice or video. In the early 2000s, my parents converted old slides, pictures, and reel-to-reel tapes onto VHS. We then converted those onto DVDs. It is so special to listen to both of their voices.
3) Go to a perfume counter and smell her favorite perfume (or keep a small stash if she has recently passed). My mother’s favorite was Estee Lauder’s Beautiful and White Linen. I have a little altar of three small bottles of her Estee Lauder collection. Of all the things we sorted through, these are the things I keep as small treasures. I don’t use them, but when I want to be near my mother, I open a bottle and am 
transported back to hugging her and smelling her neck and hair. Take time to pause, smell, remember.
4) Make her favorite dessert or take her favorite dessert and bring it to the current generation. Perhaps your dietary needs are different now and you need the plant-based version of Cherry Berries on a Cloud!
5) Write a special thank you note to her thanking her for all the things she did for you.
6) Schedule 10 minutes to journal and write down things your mother used to tell you, things you have in common, a list of her favorite foods, jewelry, shoes, hobbies, clothes, different hairstyles she may have worn, fun facts you may not have known about her that other people told you, vacations you celebrated together, her favorite restaurants, friends, places she lived in, how she met your dad, etc. Try not to make the writing a chore but a reflective time to jot some memories. Every year, review your old list and create a new list of things to remember her by. If you are different. That is OK. I’m sure she is proud of you and loved you the way you are.
7) Make a list of all the good things you have accomplished this year and read them aloud to her. You know she will be proud!
8) Wear a piece of her jewelry or repurpose a piece of her jewelry into something more contemporary if your style is different than your mother’s.
8) Place something special she created in an area of your home for your viewing. During her cancer treatment, my mother was still making lavender sachets. I keep one on my dresser to remind myself that in times of adversity, you can still make beautiful things for others. 
9) Add some of your favorite pictures of your mom to your DVD frame or create a video collage.
10) Go someplace she liked to go – or go virtual. Many places, including national parks and tea shops, are providing virtual visits. My mother loved to sew and loved fabric shops. It’s so nice that sewing is coming back into vogue (especially mask-making for preventing COVID-19 spread!). I think I will stop in a fabric shop soon as soon as the health department allows. (as of this writing, we are still under COVID-19 self-distancing restrictions).
What are some helpful tips that may help others?
Good luck with your celebration and may peace be with you on this special day.
