For a couple of years in the 1990s, I struggled with the holiday blues, winter blues, or maybe you could even call it mild depression. There I was. Single. In my 30s. No children. No significant other living in a southern city that was the epitome of happy coupledom. I was just plain sad during the holiday season. It didn’t matter how many concerts I sang in, how many friends or family members I visited with, I was having a good old-fashioned pity party. The shorter, darker days of winter just didn’t help.
One evening, I was crying so hard I couldn’t stop. I called a friend and asked her to come to get me and take me to a hospital. We didn’t go to the hospital. She held me for a while and I cried hard a bit more. I didn’t really feel better but I didn’t like the idea of what I had just done either. I needed some help, meds, or tips to manage winter blues.
30 years ago, we didn’t really talk about self-care, taking pause, or awe. Looking back, I was working three jobs and I was not taking care of myself. Although I worked in cardiopulmonary rehabilitation, I did not practice what I taught. I kept saying “yes”, so I was singing in three choirs, an opera chorus, sitting on executive boards, and oh, yes, working those three jobs. It was the epitome of having it all but something always seemed missing. Chronic fatigue, severe migraines, and watching friends have babies added to the loneliness. I saw the doctor and she prescribed anti-depressants. It took a week or so take effect but as I took them for a couple of months, I realized that taking seasonal anti-depressants wasn’t something I wanted to maintain long-term. I also didn’t like the eventual apathy the anti-depressants imparted. Somehow, I had to figure out how to deal with the seemingly bleak winter and the holidays.
At some point, I realized that starting a new year gave me a lift. I wanted to capitalize on that discovery. How could I prepare and create an expectation for a time when I knew I might perk up again? Realizing this time of year is not really forever, (even though our mind uses qualifiers like “forever” and “always”), I came to understand that life events are not “always.” So, I created these three tips to manage winter blues that still work for me to this day. If I feel the uneasiness coming on, I remind myself of three things: 1) Self-Soothe 2) Appreciation and 3) Creation.
Tips to Help Manage the Winter Blues
- Self-soothe. Every year, I remind myself of Winter’s Solstice – the day with the fewest daylight hours of the year. If the shortening days are beginning to bother me now, if I feel that low, I tell myself, “darkness is not forever.” “After December 21st, the daylight hours will start getting longer again.” “Bit by bit. Every morning and evening, I will get a few more daylight minutes. And minutes become hours.” Now, on 12/21, Solstice Day, I take a few minutes to honor the day and recognize that I made it through the shortest daylight hours of the year for that particular year. Then, I work on the second part. Appreciation.
- One of the great things about writing a Christmas newsletter is that the process allows you the opportunity to write down all the good things, and maybe not so good things, that have happened over the year. It allows some sacred time to be grateful. For years, My husband and I journaled our activities throughout the year. But in 2012, as we wrote our newsletter, we got stuck trying to remember what we learned in the year. So, from then on, we started our first “discovery jar.” Most every day during breakfast or in the evening with a libation and daily “business meeting”, we discuss what we learned or discovered. The jar is full every year and I am looking forward to using it in a few days to appreciate and create the newsletter. Sometimes things don’t make it in the newsletter, like a colonoscopy or an uneventful appendectomy, but surviving cancer, a new granddaughter, and exploring new mountains definitely make the cut.
- Finally, the best part of Winter’s Solstice is that it is followed quickly by the New Year – our traditional time for reinventing, redesigning, and recreating ourselves for another year. It is so incredibly amazing that humans can empower themselves to make decisions to change and hopefully, for the better. We don’t have to just gradually evolve. We can transform with the right tools and mindset. And thus, I begin my goal-setting process for the next year.
Blessings and Warm Thoughts to You!
Please note, these small tips are not intended to replace the assistance of a trained medical professional if you need it. As you can see, I did seek help. But, perhaps, you may find these helpful and add these tips to your toolbox of working through the winter blues.
